Healthy Women Have Real Friends

Everyone around me told me I needed to start a blog about relationships. While I knew it was a great idea, I wasn’t confident in my ability to write, and I wasn’t sure if anyone would read what I wrote. Nonetheless, I have a group of friends who would not allow me to sit and stew in my fear and doubt. They encouraged me to push through my feelings and to work towards my greater goals. So, here I am writing a couple of book and blogging. When I think of these ladies, I think of the song, Friends, by the 80’s rap group, Whodini.


how many of us have them?


ones we can depend on


how many of us have them?


before we go any further, let's be Friends”

We’ve moved often, and I’ve had to develop new friendships in each state. At times it has been easier than others to establish new friendships. As an adult, it can be challenging to make new friends once you move away from your childhood home, or college friends. And if you’re like me, it may take you a while to open up to other women.

Often, I hear about women who’ve been hurt by other women in some way and have put up walls against any potential new friendships. Most of us could limp through life without any real friends, as long as we have just a few casual acquaintances. However, how much more fulfilling would life be if you’re connected with women who support you? Who pours into your life and who offer you the opportunity to do likewise for them?

Do you have women who you can be completely transparent and authentically you with? If not, I encourage you to pray and to find some female friends. So how do you make friends? Start with women in your various circles. Consider women in the ministries you serve in at church, your sorority, your neighbors, at your kid’s school, at your kid’s activities, or where ever you find yourself spending any significant amount of time. Identify women you find yourself chit-chatting with and consider asking one of them out for coffee to get to know her better. You don’t have to reveal anything of substance to her initially. First, just check out the chemistry between the two of you and see how the conversation flows. The hardest part will be asking her to meet you for coffee. But you can do it! The good thing about healthy friendships is they take time to develop. So be patient, because when they develop they are friendships for a lifetime.

If you’re living, you’re going to experience some challenges and it will be helpful to have women around you to pray for you, encourage you, and support you. Studies have shown that social support benefits your physical and mental health. These may sound like selfish reasons for having friends, but most women know how to care for others. However, we often struggle with allowing others to care for us. It isn’t selfish to allow someone to encourage and to support you. More than likely, you’ll do the same for her.

My friends know that they are the answers to prayers prayed so many years ago. I praise God for answering my prayers with these specific ladies. They listen, encourage, admonish, and challenge me almost daily but I wouldn’t trade them for the world. With them, I’m completely comfortable being vulnerable, authentic, transparent and influenced by them. They accept me, and ALL of my flaws. Their love and support grow me in almost every area of my life. I hope I give them some of what they give to me. I love you Ladies!


Song by Whodini, song Friends, 1984

Songwriters: Brian Carenard, Charles Wright, Justin Smith, Rahman Yusaf

Friends lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Warner/Chappell Music, Inc, Universal Music Publishing Group, Capitol Christian Music Group


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