Waiting Until Marriage to Live Together

You’ve met the person you’re considering committing the rest of your life to. You’ve learned about favorite colors, favorite foods, favorite pastimes, and family history. Now, you’re trying to peel more layers and learn more about your special mate. How will you get to know the person you think about all day long if you decide not to live together?

In my previous post, I said, “…ask questions of your mate. Observe them. Ask follow up questions. Compare their behaviors and their words and ask more questions.” I could end this post and drop the mic but I’ll elaborate (Coming to America, Sexual Chocolate mic drop scene).

One easy way to begin chatting and learning each other is to use the television, particularly the news or reality programs. Most people in the news or on reality TV have found themselves in situations that the average person will never experience. Use these stories as springboards to learn about your future spouse. Each day you could learn something that experiences may not teach you because you may not have that experience in life. You may never go on a trip with three other couples and get into a brawl. You may never go to jail and have to say goodbye to your children only to be released and your husband goes to jail. These things may never happen to you but the storylines make for interesting dialogue for you and your significant other.

Additionally, develop some tough questions to ask your significant other. I’ll restate some of the questions from the previous post to get you started.

Example questions to ask:

  • Tell me about a time when you didn’t have enough money to cover your monthly bills.

  • Tell me about the time you decided to get a second plastic surgery.

  • Tell me about the time when you cheated on someone you were dating?

  • Why do you think you haven’t been in a long term relationship in the past two years?

  • Tell me about your family’s daily routine when you were a child.

  • Tell me why you decided to get a third gun.

  • Tell me about how you’d keep us safe if you didn’t have a gun.

  • Tell me about a time when you and your best friend argued and didn’t talk for a long period of time.

  • Tell me how you’d respond if I wanted to have sex once a month for a year.

  • Tell me about the quality of our intimacy if we couldn’t have sex for medical reasons.

  • Tell me how you’d care for me physically and financially if I was bedridden for a year.

  • Tell me how you’d adjust if we couldn’t have children and I didn’t want to adopt.

  • Tell me how you’d care for us if we both lost our jobs and our home.

  • Tell me how you’d respond if I told you that you didn’t satisfy me sexually.

  • Tell me about some things you learned in dating someone from another culture.

  • Tell me how you’d respond if I joined the military today without talking to you.

  • Tell me how you’d respond if I bought a new car without consulting you.

  • Tell me how you’d respond if I told you I was bi-sexual.

  • Tell me how you’d respond if one of our children told us they were gay.

  • Tell me how you’d respond if I was offered the perfect job in another country.

If you’ve decided to live separately until marriage, you may begin your marriage with less information about your spouse. However, living and learning about the person you’ve married is part of the fun of sharing life with someone. You’re investing in your wedding ceremony, make sure you’re investing more in your marriage. Start building your connection today.


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